The 4th Letter

Dear Allah,

As I enter my 30s, I've witnessed first-hand how societies change. In just a few decades, what was once the norm, like checking telefax, has become unfamiliar to younger generations. It's a reminder of how quickly things can become extinct, including myself. The thought of leaving this world without achieving worldly success doesn't bother me. What matters most to me is fostering a strong connection with You, Allah. When I prioritise worshipping You, everything else falls into place.

Being a Muslim carries a weighty responsibility. Ironically, after graduating as an Aalima in Islamic theology and jurisprudence at the age of 16, I pushed away from my faith with all my might. I couldn't bear the burden of such a responsibility, or so I thought. I convinced myself that I needed to distance myself from You.

And that’s what I did for 10 years not that anyone really realised. I was the good girl. Never went out partying, drinking or mixing with the wrong crowd. But inside I was broken I just couldn’t pray to you Allah it hurts saying this now. But I did that because I was afraid if I came to you because I was never good enough and I would never be.

Pushing You away for so long only made things worse. My problems magnified, and on the journey I realised that home, safety, love, and security could only be found with You, Allah.

I still vividly remember the moment in October 2020 when my head touched the ground in sujood. It was an act of pure love for You, and nothing else. SubhanAllah. If there's one thing I ask of You, Allah, it's to never take that love away from me. Keep my heart connected to You. Losing anything else doesn't frighten me, but the thought of losing You does.

With love,
Mina